Social media has become rather synonymous with drama queens and rage baiters. How else is an influencer going to gain followers or views without a healthy heaping of angst and hormones? And before TikToks and Instagram stories, bloggers dominated the tell-all scene, spilling more tea than the Boston Harbor protest, many still doing so to modest acclaim.
While perusing such tabloid tactics, I’ve noticed one topic increasingly discussed among Gen Z influencers over the last few years, namely, content that centers around parents, specifically the influencer’s own. This content is far from positive and discusses the faults of parental figures at great length.
I’ve read and watched dozens of 18–25-year-olds poke holes in how they were raised, how their parents’ influence negatively affected their future, and how VERY differently they would do things should they marry and have children. This trend seems to extend into Christian circles, evening finding its biggest supporters in the “recovering conservative” kids who subscribe to a different way of life than they did growing up.
All parents are mortal and thus will fail at some point and in some way. They are far from perfect. The choice before us, however, is how we deal with that fact. Simply stated, do children of all ages have a responsibility to respect their parents in their discussion of them with others?
To answer this question, let’s look at the writings of William Gouge, a Puritan writer and clergyman who wrote extensively on this very subject in his famed 1622 treatises “Of Domestical Duties.” In them, he relates several key points regarding a child’s respect for his parents, principles that are just as effective now as then.
1. Love and respect go hand in hand with a child’s relationship to his parents.
An adult child shooting their mouth off online about parents will often say, “Don’t get me wrong, I love them!” Gouge, however, would say otherwise. “The authority of parents requireth fear in children: and their affection, love,” he writes.
Gouge goes on to state that “love like sugar sweeteneth fear, and fear like salt seasoneth love: and thus, to join them both together, it is a loving-fear, or a fearing-love, which is the ground of children's duties.” Gouge’s use of the term “fear” does not imply terror; rather, “fear” is simply another word for “respect,” and as he so eloquently puts it, love cannot do without this bedfellow. When someone says he loves his parents but shows little respect for them in his speech and actions, it makes the former emotion empty and meaningless.
2. Respectful speech should happen in a parent’s presence as well as in their absence.
Many young adult children think that if their parents aren’t around to hear it, their critiques of them “don’t count.” Yet Gouge urges: “[L]et children speak nothing of their parents that they would be loath should come to their parents' ear. More particularly, let them speak of those things which most tend to their commendation….” I would be blown away today, if, instead of a five-minute rant on the imperfections of mom and dad, an influencer spent time talking about the good and commendable qualities his parents possess.
3. Respectful speech seeks to protect, not expose, a parent’s shortcomings.
If there are issues within a parent’s lifestyle or character, Gouge would encourage, “Let other things be buried in silence so much as in them lieth.” Essentially, he means that it’s better for children to say nothing at all rather than publicly shame parents for their failures.
There are too many occasions in the online arena where a matter should have been concealed rather than aired. Perhaps your mother truly is a worrier, but that does not necessitate a livestream where a hundred other people can laugh over this flaw!
There are times and places for such discussions to happen, and Gouge clearly recognizes this, for respect should never extend to covering misdemeanors or consistent wrongdoing. And if the latter is happening, steps need to be taken to deal with that unlawful or damaging behavior.
Respect seems to only apply to self in our era of autonomy and personal love. Before it became the mantra of the postmoderns, though, it was most often associated with the realm of parents and children. Sadly, we have forgotten how much we owe our fathers and mothers, including our very existence! So much time and energy have been poured into our lives, can we not reciprocate this sacrifice by honoring them in our discourse?
“Just a little bit” of respect can go a long way, if we have the decency and desire to try.
Hannah Stiff is a private English and music teacher, and in her spare time she can usually be found writing, dancing like Elizabeth Bennett, or spending time on her family homestead.
This culture article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal, a project of 1819 News. To comment on this article, please email [email protected]. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News.
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