Only a dad with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come and to hear his voice.
Only a dad but he gives his all
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim,
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen:
Only a dad, but the best of men.
These are the first and last verses of Edgar Guest’s “Only a Dad.” Popular in the first half of the 20th century, Guest’s poems are considered overly sentimental today, but I wanted to start my Father’s Day salute with some honey before we get to the vinegar.
I know plenty of fathers who match Guest’s poem, who “smooth the way for [their] children small” and who are “Only a dad, but the best of men.” They are the fathers I see in church, who wrestle with a three-year-old while Mom comforts a fussy baby. They are my three sons and my son-in-law, who – whatever their other faults – are as dads the best of men. They are the men I see in the streets of the town where I live, those dads who tower above a toddler as they meander hand-in-hand down the street.
To all these dads who day in and day out love and engage your wives and children even when you’re worn thin from work and worry, you deserve a raised glass and a “Happy Father’s Day.”
To all you foster dads, adoptive dads, and blended-family dads who daily step up and offer love and guidance to your children, here’s a special toast to you. One couple I know quite well have six adopted children as well as a natural daughter. Another couple with four little ones and a fifth on the way in July just adopted a five-year-old from Haiti. These are acts of heroism above and beyond anything I would ever attempt.
To all you dads – and moms – who are struggling right now with your children, whether it’s with some horrible mental or physical health issue or some massive failure to communicate, you too deserve a salute. Here’s to the hope that you’ll remain strong in the fight for the hearts and lives of your children.
To all you dads whose grown children have gone “no contact” on you, who refuse to see you or speak with you for reasons ranging from politics to values, here’s a wish and a prayer that someday a bridge will appear across that canyon. Keep the door open and never lose hope.
To all you divorced dads who have tried so hard, sometimes with disappointing results, to maintain a relationship with your children, know that you’re doing the right thing. Keep up the good fight, and one day, once they’ve grown older, odds are those kids will appreciate and love you.
As for you who have fathered children, but have since gone no contact on them, or abused them with words or deeds, or even abused your fatherhood with drugs, drink, or other failures, there’s no raised glass, but only a reminder that you can still attempt to repair the relationship, to write a letter of apology or send a gift of money, or if such gestures of amendment are beyond your means and capabilities, to ask forgiveness for what you’ve done in a conversation between yourself and your Creator.
Finally, in this round-the-table talk about fathers, a word to all you young men who either fear fatherhood or who keep putting off having children for reasons of your career, finances, or ideology, you need to know some things. Intentional and well-meaning fatherhood will make a true man of you. It’s hard work, and being a dad lasts the rest of your life, but the rewards of this vocation far exceed the drawbacks. Being a good dad provides you with an education of the soul you’ll receive nowhere else.
Fatherhood deliberately pursued and intentionally practiced brings a love that no Father’s Day card can begin to express. As actor Matt Damon once said: “The only way I can describe it [fatherhood] – it sounds stupid, but – at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows, like, five times its size? Everything is full; it's just full all the time.”
One final toast: Here’s to our own fathers, living or dead, good or bad, present and always loving or never ever to be seen. They were a part of the formula that created us. Because of them, we received the gift of life.
Happy Father’s Day to all.
