Aristotle speaks of philia, the love of friendship, in his famous work, "Nicomachean Ethics." According to Aristotle’s ethical framework, there are virtues that should guide a person’s actions, even an action that many consider morally neutral like choosing a friend.
The Three Types of Friendship: Utility, Pleasure, and Virtue
The first and lowest type of friendship for Aristotle is also the most common: the friendship of utility. These are the friendships people most often experience because they are the easiest to enter. Although not a bad type of friendship, it is the least substantial and least meaningful. It is also the most prone to selfishness as those in a friendship of utility “do not love each other for themselves but in virtue of some good which they get from each other.” However, this can be considered more charitably as the necessary cooperation that must take place in day-to-day interactions. Co-workers, for example, need not have intimate closeness beyond what is required to complete their work projects.
The second tier of friendship moves beyond mere utility to pleasure. This type of friendship loves the other “for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves.”
Friendship of virtue is higher than utility because of the object sought by the individuals entering the friendship. Utility, seeking something useful, is a means to a greater end. Something is useful because it contributes toward a higher good. Pleasure, however, is a good in itself. It is an end, though not the highest end, in itself. It is also a more personal good one is seeking as one’s utility is a further extension of oneself, what one can do for another, while the pleasure one experiences in this friendship derives from the personality of the friend.
It seems that a friendship of pleasure is wrong because it appears one is only seeking a friend in order to attain pleasure. That would not be a loving friendship at all.
Yet a friendship of pleasure does not mean that one's only motivation in seeking the friend is to derive pleasure from it. It means that the friendship is built upon the pleasure the two experience in their friendship, including the pleasure of a shared activity or piece of media. It is certainly not wrong to enjoy the same movie and bond with someone over it, but it is certainly not the deepest bond of friendship one can experience. This requires something even more personal than preference.
Finally, the friendship of virtue is the friendship of “good men” because it is based on the “virtue of their goodness.” These friendships exist not out of what can be gained from the other, but “for their own sake.” Aristotle considers this the greatest friendship because virtue is “the greatest of goods.” It not only has the highest object, the love of philia, but it is grounded in the greatest, most lasting good: the habit of virtue.
This is the most fulfilling type of friendship and is what the friendships of utility and pleasure must be ordered toward, even if they do not reach this level of intimacy.
However, Aristotle recognizes that “one cannot have with many people the friendship based on virtue,” as this type of friendship requires the most work from both parties in order to last. Because, according to Aristotle, a virtue is a habit, something that does not change or end as quickly or easily as a project (utility) or preference (pleasure). Virtue is ingrained in the two people experiencing the friendship of virtue, so it does not end as quickly. Also, because virtue is inherently ordered toward goodness, a friendship of virtue will facilitate that goodness most readily.
Choosing a Friend
Aristotle appropriately writes on friendship in his famous book on ethics. For Aristotle, ethical decisions were not a matter of following the rules but of living virtues. Aristotle considered virtues habits that one cultivated over a lifetime. Friendships of utility and pleasure are necessary and can be building blocks to a friendship of virtue, but one must cultivate virtue in oneself in order to recognize virtue in another. To Aristotle, a friendship of virtue was only possible between equals. Unfortunately, this sense of equality can be misconstrued to mean equal in status, money, or power.
It is true that a friendship can be made more difficult when there is inequality in these areas. However, the most important equality one can consider is that of virtue because it determines how one lives their life. The more one grows in virtue, the more virtuous a friend one can be to others, and the deeper and more lasting a friendship can be.
Mike Schramm is a husband and father of seven children. He teaches theology and philosophy at Aquinas High School and Viterbo University. You can find his writing at Busted Halo, Mere Orthodoxy, and the Voyage Comics Blog. He is also the managing editor of the Voyage Compass, an imprint of Voyage Comics and Publishing.
This culture article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal, a project of 1819 News. To comment on this article, please email [email protected].
