It woke me up.
That tremendous sense of self-loathing.
Why would you even try this?
Who do you think you are?
You're much too old for this.
I could go on.
But then I remembered 9-year-old AB, obsessed with the news.
I'd hide in my bedroom. Knee's crossed, I'd sit on my pale yellow twin bed. I'd use an ugly brown tape recorder with indented buttons and flaking paint to do the news.
I'm on the TODAY show pretending to be Gene Shallit (a movie buff to the core) and the inimitable Jane Pauley, what with her swooshed bangs and perfect flip.
Once in the flow, I'd throw in our local newscaster, forever adorned in bright blue.
It's what I wanted to do.
More than anything.
So, when the opportunity to take part in 1819 News availed itself, I leaped at the chance for a do-over.
How often do those come along?
Almost seven years since most of us last met.
When radio commentary, spokeswoman duties, and running for office were regular parts of my life.
'Where'd you go?' A question many days I did not know how to answer.
The column on deadline, I was forced to consider an uncomfortable question.
Where did I go?
I went to a place where the ghost of Spaghetti supper's past dot our kitchen ceiling.
Because someone taught our kids that when spaghetti noodles are done, they stick.
Our kitchen ceiling still makes me smile.
Where did I go?
To my ironing board. My laundry room. And, my car, whose name is Pearly Junior. We spend endless amounts of time together.
In these spaces, I listened and learned about apologetics and history, and the human heart. Reading articles my husband Chris would forward about health care, education, and adoption issues he thought I needed to see.
Where did I go?
To raise our kids to fly.
To remind our kids that whatever God puts on your heart to do, DO THAT.
Give Him your yes. Without reservation. Without hesitation. The plan, His plan, comes later. Moses didn't get a road map. Neither will you. It's not called a faith walk for nothing. He made us to do hard things. ALL of us.
God knows why He made you.
Know Him, and you'll know why you're here.
Where did I go?
To remind our family that He gave us gifts and talents. They are for our good—His glory.
Do not dim the light on what He's given you to do. Dream big dreams after Him.
Same for you, too. Even in a world that is a veritable dumpster fire.
Where did I go?
To remind our kids that God made us for the impossible. He made us to run toward the battle. Whatever that is. He does the sending and the equipping.
Their responsibility? Our responsibility? Stay awake, work ridiculously hard, expect zero “attaboys.” God is your audience.
He made us to shine His light in a world that's gone to midnight fast.
Our kids are nearly grown and flown.
One is a former model, newlywed and clinical counseling grad student.
One is a graphic design entrepreneur and a wildlife biology major at West Virginia University.
One is headed, in January, to play basketball at UNC.
One is a freshman and runs the house fearlessly. She does so many things. I'm thinking of paying the license people to let her drive a year early.
My dearest? He's the head of a busy medical practice.
I shall say, delicately, that GI humor is the hallmark of our family.
Laughter is our jam, though vigorous discussion isn't far behind.
Our days have been precious. I would not give a single one away.
Not one. Not even on the most difficult.
So. In the end, my answer is this.
I've been at home with my family, which is not a fancy answer.
But it was and IS mine.
My family is my resume.
Instead of continuing in radio, doing speaking gigs, and emceeing events, instead of winning the runoff for District 43 and heading to the Statehouse, for a time, God called me to ours.
In His providence, he's given a unique opportunity to opine on the digital page. I'm equally humbled and terrified.
Though I'm pretty sure our kids are glad they don't have to listen to me, for the one-millionth time, talk about WHAT IS TRUTH? And explain that the media stopped telling it 21 exits ago.
Let's do this together.
When you have a minute, drop me a line.
Let me know what we can discuss - editorially speaking?
What keeps you up at night? What makes you laugh? Who is John Galt?
Amie Beth Shaver is a speaker, writer, and media commentator. Her column appears every Wednesday in 1819 News. Shaver served on the Alabama GOP State Executive Committee, was a candidate for State House 43 and spokeswoman for Allied Women. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send email with your name and contact information to Commentary@1819News.com.
