Is there an epidemic of loneliness in the United States?
Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy thought so. In 2023, he declared a national epidemic of loneliness and isolation, stating in June 2024, “The overall mortality impact of loneliness and isolation are on par with smoking daily, and they're even greater than the mortality impact we see with obesity.”
Some researchers back Murthy’s stance. In one recent online discussion, for instance, psychologist Mattias Desmet and psychiatrist Aaron Kheriaty connected data regarding America’s skyrocketing “deaths of despair” – which are deaths by drugs, alcohol or suicide – with social isolation.
Murthy and others rightly assign part of the blame for this increase in loneliness and its offspring, depression, to the COVID lockdowns. Many also point to our increased use of digital technology, particularly for its effects on teens and young adults. Observers like Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Anxious Generation,” and Leonard Sax, who wrote “The Collapse of Parenting,” warn parents about the isolating effects on children who spend too many hours with social media and video games as opposed to face-to-face time with family and friends.
Yet assessing the extent and impact of loneliness is difficult. One 2023 study, for example, declared Alaska one of the least lonely states, while a 2024 poll ranked it number one on the lonely chart. Another research outfit placed Alabama in the number two spot of loneliness, while a separate study ranked it at 26.
Whatever the status of loneliness on the national stage, the lonely have tools at their disposal for combating isolation. Search online for “ways to cope with loneliness,” and you’ll find dozens of articles germane to this topic. Many of these offer solid tips on ways to overcome loneliness, like touching base with a friend via a phone call or simply getting out of the house.
To these suggestions, I’d like to add some observations of my own. My qualifications to do so are derived not from academia, but from experience. Quick calculations reveal that I spend about 82% of my waking hours alone, away from the phone, away from friends and family, away from my favorite coffee shop. Much of my time in solitude is spent on work. In my previous life, I worked a variety of people-oriented jobs – I’ve operated a bed-and-breakfast, owned two bookshops, and spent three decades teaching – but for the last seven years I’ve made my way as a freelance writer, which means putting in long hours all by my lonesome.
Here are three things I’ve learned from my castaway life that are good to keep in mind if you’re one of the world’s lonely hearts.
Lower Your Expectations
Loneliness is a part of the human condition. Most of us grow lonely from time to time.
Nearly a century ago, Thomas Wolfe, best known for his novel “Look Homeward, Angel,” made this observation:
The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. When we examine the moments, acts, and statements of all kinds of people … we find, I think, that they are all suffering from the same thing. The final cause of their complaint is loneliness.
Most of us want soulmates or friends who understand and accept every part of our being, but to achieve such an accord of total intimacy is nearly impossible. We human beings are not insects, members of a colony or a hive, but individuals who change and also experience different moods daily, including feelings of isolation.
Loneliness is not unnatural, and when we expect too much of others, it becomes even more painful.
Avoid Self-Pity
Our culture of victimhood encourages the “poor me” syndrome. Don’t give in to it. Except in extreme cases, when you play the victim card, you demean yourself as a human being.
If you’re feeling lonely instead of just alone – there’s a canyon of difference between the two – pick up the phone and chat with a loved one. Head out to a coffee shop, as I often do, and surround yourself with other people, even if they are strangers. Say hello to the barista or the grocery store clerk, read for an afternoon in the public library, or take a walk around town and do some people watching. Look over those online articles mentioned earlier and see if something else might be more your style.
Talk to God
People who spend a great deal of time alone often talk to themselves. I’m one of them, but I also spend some time each day talking to God. It’s not formal prayer, just a scattered conversation conducted throughout the day.
Particularly important to me in those moments are my spoken and unspoken thoughts of gratitude. I can even be thankful for my bouts of loneliness, because I learn more about myself in that often-unwelcome solitude.
Whatever our religious beliefs, when loneliness strikes, we might remember some words from philosopher and author Albert Camus:
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.
Suffer it, combat it, embrace it: the loneliness which is the wintertime of the soul can produce in us that same summer spirit of strength and resilience.
Jeff Minick is a father of four and grandfather to many. A former history, literature, and Latin teacher, Jeff now writes prolifically for The Epoch Times, American Essence Magazine, and several other publications.
This culture article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal, a project of 1819 News. To comment on this article, please email culture@1819news.com. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News.
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