“When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them…”
—Matthew 5:1-2
Upon seeing the crowds, two Roman travelers followed eagerly, eventually finding themselves drawn away from the main road to a mountain, though it looked much more like a high hill than a mountain to the well-traveled pair.
Though the two had witnessed many weird and wondrous things in their travels across the empire – from Athens to Ephesus to Egypt – they had yet to find anything quite as puzzling as the buzzing of those crowds in Galilee.
The crowds reportedly came from across the region to follow a strange miracle worker and religious teacher who was swiftly gaining notoriety.
The two followed the crowds out of a sense of curiosity bordering on cynical mockery of the locals’ odd customs and religious superstitions. They were the sons of Roman senators, politicians and rhetoricians in waiting, and they greatly prided themselves on their linguistic prowess, duplicitous wit, and abject ability to script cunning schemes for any scene.
The two could seemingly converse in any tongue found across the empire, including the words heard in that backwater of Galilee – though this almost inhuman mastery of language had left their tongues forked.
The two crouched eagerly within earshot of the strange man who was now seated atop the hill, surrounded by the crowds.
They had heard all sorts of things about this man – that he had healed the sick of sundry diseases and even driven out demons, that his preachings and teachings had captured the people’s spirit while leaving the local authorities unsettled in their positions of power – but they had never heard him speak themselves.
They wished to know if his wit was as sharp, his tongue as forked, as theirs.
“Let us listen to him as we might listen to one of our own ilk, as a competitor to our power,” said one to the other.
“Yes,” said the other, “and let’s see how swift we can twist his words to our ends.”
The man atop the mountain began speaking, starting each phrase with “blessed are” – yet the two were so swift to twist his words that they ended up hearing a completely different sermon than the rest of the crowd, whispering warped retorts in response to the calls of the blessed.
Here is the sermon that only those two heard:
Blessed are the poor in spirit – for their deprivation will breed a dependency to our rule.
Blessed are those who mourn – for they will seek solace in our plenary promises of privilege and pleasure.
Blessed are the meek – for their timidity will make them easy prey to our manipulations and machinations to usurp the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness – for they will consume our counterfeits in their zeal and swallow ideals to our ends.
Blessed are the merciful – for they are ripe to be exploited when we ask for their forgiveness with no intention of repentance.
Blessed are the pure in heart – for they are so naive as to never see the traps we set for them in the shadows.
Blessed are the peacemakers – for they will become as soft as clay to be molded and baked in the fire and discord of our next war.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness – for their suffering will serve as a wedge to drive others to fall on their bellies to the promise of our rule.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me – for their pride in Him will harden their hearts enough to join in our rebellion.
“Now that was too easy!” whispered one to the other.
They had stopped listening to the sermon altogether at that point, too preoccupied with flattering themselves and mocking the man on the mount.
“This so-called teacher speaks like a child!” they hissed. “How unsophisticated! How quaint! He’s no threat to the whip of our tongues!”
“The fool has no clue what’s coming next too. We’ve seen this sort of thing play out before.”
“Today he sits atop that high hill preaching to an admiring crowd, but eventually his rise will be met with a nasty fall. Hubris always invites nemesis.”
“You’re right. There are much sharper tongues than his too, especially in Jerusalem. Soon enough, someone will prick the crowd against him, though their tongue will no doubt be dull compared to what ours could do.”
“Dull, indeed. He’s lucky we’ve only been twisting his words with whispers for our own amusement. With our rhetoric, with our tricks, we could probably whip up this very crowd right now into a mob calling for the governor to crucify him!”
“Ha! Now that’s a wretched idea! Let’s be on our way then. Let him pray that our paths don’t cross again.”
The two slithered away, never having heard the sermon of the man on the mount. They were much too pleased with their own cleverness to have heard a word of what was actually said.
They returned to the main road and headed south towards Judea.
Joey Clark is a native Alabamian and is currently the host of the radio program News and Views on News Talk 93.1 FM WACV out of Montgomery, AL, M-F 12 p.m. - 3 p.m. His column appears every Tuesday in 1819 News. To contact Joey for media or speaking appearances, as well as any feedback, please email [email protected]. Follow him on X @TheJoeyClark or watch the radio show livestream.
The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send an email with your name and contact information to [email protected].
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