It is raining. It has been raining for the last two days. Almost non-stop. My yard is a river. There are kids in our neighborhood, in the street, playing with jet skis.
When I first moved to Alabama, people said the weather was going to be the worst thing to contend with. And they were right, to a point. The weather is unpredictable, as though your senile uncle Albert is fiddling with the weather controls.
I moved to Birmingham in the spring. During our first week, we received 22 inches of rain in two days, whereupon a local man exiting his vehicle drowned on a sidestreet downtown. The very next day it snowed. The following day it was 80-odd degrees and people were cutting their grass, wearing cutoffs.
Bad weather doesn’t scare me. I grew up in Florida, where tropical weather changes every few seconds due to a combination of coastal breezes and overwhelming suntan lotion fumes. But Alabama is WAY different. And the residents seem have grown accustomed to it.
Recently, for example, I was in a local Alabama restaurant, watching a baseball game at the bar when there was a loud boom. Pictures fell off the walls, the tables rattled. The bartender, who was drying glasses, casually said, “Just an earthquake.”
Nobody in the restaurant seemed alarmed. The woman beside me at the bar demanded a refill and said, “Turn it up, the Braves are down to their last hitter.”
FACT: There have been 33 earthquakes in Alabama in the last year.
But it’s not just earthquakes and bizarre weather. It’s the current events that happen here. There is a unique vibe to the Alabama headlines unlike anything you’ll see elsewhere.
I didn’t think anything could be more eccentric than Florida headlines. Almost each morning you’d read national news items like: “FLORIDA MAN CAUGHT DRIVING BEACH VEHICLE MARKED ‘BOOTY PATROL’ FACES CHARGES.”
But headlines in Alabama have an arguably wackier flavor to them. Some actual recent Alabama headlines:
“NUDE MAN IN HUNTSVILLE EVADES POLICE AFTER ATTEMPTING TO STEAL OFFICER’S CAR.”
“MAN TRIES TO MARRY HIS COMPUTER: JUDGE SAYS ‘NOT WITHOUT A PRENUP.’”
“GUN FALLS OUT OF MAN’S REAR BODY CAVITY DURING JAIL BOOKING.”
“12 INMATES ESCAPE WALKER COUNTY JAIL USING PEANUT BUTTER.”
“FORMER GOVERNOR ANSWERS FRONT DOOR IN UNDERPANTS.”
And yet, this has been one of the most wonderful phases of my life, living in Alabama. I am proud to be an Alabamian. Not only because of what a beautiful state this is—you can see the mountains and the beach in Alabama on the same day.
Not only because Alabama is home to groundbreaking inventions like the windshield wiper, the automotive airbag, and the Super Soaker water gun. But because people in this state are among the most gracious you will ever find.
Case in point. The other day I was in a supermarket where a woman dropped her wallet. The man who found the wallet was homeless, just trying to get out of the rain. He found the woman in the cashier lane, where he not only returned her wallet, but bought her groceries. And when he was in the parking lot, attempting to leave the store, two separate customers tracked him down and gave him $100 bills.
So there’s something in the air here. I don’t know what it is. But it’s wonderful. And I intend to explore this subject further, if the rain would only stop.
Sean Dietrich is a columnist and novelist known for his commentary on life in the American South. He has authored nine books and is the creator of the “Sean of the South” blog and podcast.
The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send an email with your name and contact information to Commentary@1819News.com.
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