I have here a letter from Randy. “Sean,” the note begins—people are always calling me that. “Do you have any words of wisdom I can give to my son?
“My son, Jason, is getting married on Friday, and I am responsible for his wedding toast. I’d like some wisdom to pass on, the only problem is, I don’t have any.”
Well, Randy, I asked a handful of friends for words of wisdom from elders in their lives.
The rules were simple, the wisdom giver had to (a) be over 75, and (b) they had to be—technically—still alive. The deadline for submission was yesterday. The maxims and folk expressions came in from all over the US.
Here are some:
LINDA, 91—Being frugal doesn’t mean you have to be cheap. Being cheap doesn’t help anyone, and it takes the fun out of life. My late husband was so cheap he wouldn’t have paid a nickel to see Jesus riding a bicycle.
SIMON, 82—A lot of people are into fitness, and that’s great, I guess. But you can’t live longer, you can only live deeper.
BEVA, 89—Happiness is a town halfway between Too Little and Too Much.
RITA, 83—American girls need to eat real food. Eat until you have to unbutton your pants now and then. Heavensake, there are girls on TV so skinny you can’t even see their shadow.
JERRY, 80—Being rich isn’t the same as being comfortable. My uncle was so rich, he bought a new boat every time the other one got wet. And he was miserable.
ROBYN, 78—Even if someone is ugly to you, don’t be ugly back.
DANNY, 91—This is a generation of workaholics. On the farm, we stopped work every day at three to enjoy our life. But young people today are busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor. Slow down.
SAM, 88—Being humble don’t mean you ain’t got your pride. But a Rolls-Royce don’t have to drive fast to let everyone know he’s a Rolls.
PHYLLIS, 75—Just start knitting, God will give you the yarn.
SANDRA, 77—My mother always said practice moderation in everything except moderation.
LUCILLE, 90—Girls need to pull their skirts down, we don’t need to see clear to the Promised Land. How’s that for some advice?
CHARLOTTE, 91—When I was a girl, it was all about how tall a guy was. Then it was all about the size of his muscles. Girls today are all about the shape of his butt. But life’s too short to be that shallow. For me, it was always about how much money he had.
BELINDA, 89—When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. When I was older, I wanted to be a kid. We all want what we don’t have. But if you want what you have, you’ll have all you want.
PERRY, 99—The only thing that matters in life is the F-word. Fun. Family. Friends.
WOODROW, 83—No man is ever old enough to know better.
PHILLIP, 77—When in doubt, put the phone down.
ANDREW, 87—Celebrate the Fourth of July harder than you do Christmas.
TONY, 79—Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t lie unless your wife asks a question about her outfit.
HARRISON, 90—Fall down seven times. Get up eight.
SARAH, 94—I think the greatest advice my mother ever gave me was to love my kids when they deserve it the least, because that’s when they need it the most. I think that applies to all human beings.
Not that anyone asked me, but I think I like Sarah’s the best.
Sean Dietrich is a columnist and novelist known for his commentary on life in the American South. He has authored nine books and is the creator of the “Sean of the South” blog and podcast. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send an email with your name and contact information to Commentary@1819News.com.
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