The feminist-minded, 2020 documentary “Mrs. America” seeks to paint the life of conservative icon Phyllis Schlafly, and traditional working women like her, as thoroughly contradictory. Schlafly’s political activism, fame, and defense of traditional gender roles are placed in stark contrast to her submission to her husband and his career ambitions as if to argue that the two things cannot peacefully co-exist.
In one particular scene, Schlafly, portrayed by Cate Blanchett, snaps at a young feminist who calls her “Ms. Schlafly,” the trendy honorific of 1960s and 1970s feminism which signaled a certain sassy independence in contrast to the culturally-accepted practice of women taking their husbands’ last names. Schlafly, although a political powerhouse herself, wanted to be known as “Mrs.,” signaling to the world that her first identity was wrapped up in that of her husband’s.
Unsurprisingly, today’s feminists are moving beyond the subtle use of “Ms.,” and instead are increasingly rejecting their husband’s last names altogether. A 2023 Pew Research survey found that 9% of women ages 50 and older said they kept their maiden name after marriage, while 20% of women between 18 and 49 did. The rate was even higher for women with postgraduate degrees, at 26%. It appears that the younger and more educated you are, the more likely you are to retain your maiden name once married.
This trend is in many ways a symptom of the marriage and divorce crisis we currently face. While the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce is likely exaggerated, rates are still far too high. Marriage rates also are far too low, going from 78% in 1950 to about 47% in 2024.
Americans, young ones especially, fear commitment. Young women fear losing themselves in a relationship that demands so much of their identity. Because of this, even when they do enter that traditional union, a high percentage are choosing to drop subtle clues that they aren’t really in it for the long haul, not if it asks too much of them.
An analysis from the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) lends credence to the contention that taking one’s husband’s last name is an indicator for how serious a woman is about her marriage. According to IFS, couples who don’t share a last name divorce at a 50% higher rate and divorce about 30% earlier than others. Overall, couples who share a last name report better overall relationship happiness, including in levels of commitment and their sexual relationship.
In a world where personal identity is everything, giving up your literal name is a tough ask. Indeed, our society is likely to defend any number of indiscretions if they can be reframed as a part of a person’s identity – think gay couples renting surrogate wombs to have children because their identity demands they fashion a make-believe family without a mother. Society condones this because “identity” is anything and everything that a person wishes to make it. Small wonder then that young women, especially educated young women indoctrinated at progressive colleges, are loath to subject their identity to that of a man’s. Yet having this sort of mindset in marriage only sets a young couple up for failure.
Marriage isn’t just a friendship with benefits. It isn’t even just an amicable co-parenting relationship. It is a new identity, forged between a man and a woman with the man as its head, hence why the woman takes the husband’s last name and not vice versa.
People often joke that couples start to look and act like each other after so many years of marriage. That is good and by design. When you get married you are choosing who will form your identity until death parts you. Holding on to an old identity through all of that is a fool’s errand. It’s obvious, then, why couples who do so are more likely to call it quits on the relationship altogether.
Sarah Wilder is a writer and commentator on culture and the family. Formerly a reporter at the Daily Caller, her work has been published in Chronicles Magazine, The Federalist, and The American Mind.
This culture article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal, a project of 1819 News. To comment on this article, please email [email protected]. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News.
