Dear Santa Trump,
I think it is undisputed I have been a good conservative woman all year. I stayed home and raised two conservative boys. I fought to keep inappropriate books away from children’s sections in the library. I made sourdough bread. I even showed up to vote for you wearing a trash bag to prove I am the garbage voter seeking to bring in the Trump wave.
Yes, I think it is safe to say I have been a good conservative all year. So here is my list. This is all I am asking for in the new administration:
1. Make the American Bar Association and its state affiliates not woke. This includes the Alabama Bar. We lawyers are educated. It is beyond me how we are expected to be part of a leftist association.
2. Clear the White House press room of all mainstream media. Maybe Fox News can stay. But all other cable news companies should go. I recommend filling it with streaming news services instead. That’s what the people are watching and listening to anyway. The Press Briefing Room should be filled with those who reflect America and what it is watching today. CNN is not it. If you don’t believe me, check its ratings.
3. End the U.S. Department of Education. It has only harmed children and disempowered parents. Make it stop. Actually, while we’re on the subject…
4. Slash the bureaucracy Ron Swanson style. No really. Just give them a permit at every firing that says, “I can do what I want.” We’ve all been begging for it since Parks and Recreation came on air. The unofficial fourth branch of government must go.
5. Annex Canada and kick out California. Or better yet, send California to Canada and tariff them into compliance. Either way, they need to tone it down. Even the threat of this may get them to straighten up. It’s for their own good honestly. I’ll even volunteer to send them a letter of warning: “Y’all calm down before I come up there!”
6. Declare hunting season on foreign drones. We Southerners would enjoy another hunting season. We’d gladly travel. Let us loose and they won’t come back. I promise.
7. End daylight saving time. Or keep it. Just pick one and stick with it. I do not really care which you choose. I ask this on behalf of moms everywhere. Bedtime is hard enough without adding the difficulty of changing time. And I think we’re all tired of the church reminders with cheesy puns. That alone is enough reason to end it.
8. Clean up the government calendar. It is just too much right now. Do we really need a nationally recognized day for Trans Day of Visibility or National Coming Out Day? Or an Indigenous Peoples’ Day? I don’t think so. Just cut it down to the holidays the average American citizen actually observes like Thanksgiving and Independence Day. As it stands, it’s like the word of the day calendar and no one really cares. If you want to add a new holiday, try National Reading Day. Everyone can benefit from reading for a day. And it wouldn’t kill extroverts to do what introverts love for once.
9. Ban LED lights on vehicles. It is a hazard! I swear one day I am going to go blind and swerve off the road thanks to the lights on some of these trucks.
10. Cut taxes and regulations. Start with the income tax and work your way down to the regulations on cow’s milk. I think we would all prefer raw milk and more money.
Thank you for winning the 2024 election Santa Trump. I cannot wait to see what 2025 will bring!
Sincerely,
Laura Clark
P.S. I will gladly put out McDonald’s and Diet Coke for you on Inauguration Day Eve!
Laura Clark is a wife, mother, and community activist. She currently serves as the interim president of Alabama Center for Law and Liberty, a conservative nonprofit law firm that fights for limited government, free markets, and strong families in the courts. Anything written by Laura for this publication does not constitute legal advice.
The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send an email with your name and contact information to Commentary@1819News.com.
Don’t miss out! Subscribe to our newsletter and get our top stories every weekday morning.
