A local Alabama ABC store made a bold but important step recently by making a children’s section in their store. Reportedly the store dedicated an entire aisle to its youngest consumers. From baby’s first wine cooler to an afterschool Bud Light for your middle schooler, this store made certain our youngest drinkers can find the right drink for them. Of course, the traditional array of sodas and juices is also offered in case any child wants those. Samples are also available at this display for any child wishing to explore new drinks.

This move was immediately controversial. First to call attention to the issue was a group of angry moms claiming that alcoholic beverages should not be marketed to children.         

“Up until five minutes ago, we recognized as a society that children should not drink,” the group’s spokesperson said. “I really don’t understand why I have to be saying anything.”

But not all citizens agree.

A counter-coalition called Drink Freely was formed. A grassroots group funded by the ABC Board, Drink Freely defended the store’s display, saying, “If you don’t want your children to drink alcohol, it is your job as a parent to watch what your child drinks!”

One member of Drink Freely offered her testimony:

I’m an alcoholic and I come from a long line of alcoholics. I wish that as a child, I was able to drink alcohol as it puts me in touch with my roots. I feel like we alcoholics are pushed into the shadows like what we are doing is bad. I can’t help it! Drinks are drinks! I like rum and you like Dr. Pepper. Why am I being forced to hide?

Alcoholics Anonymous also spoke about the controversy:

Yes, we’re alcoholics, but it’s time we aren’t anonymous! Many men, women and children are alcoholics and it’s time we come out proudly! Drinking may have harmful effects on children, but that is just bigotry! Not letting your alcohol-inclined child drink will just lead them to drink anyway, but feel depressed as they must hide.

Legal experts added, “You can’t make alcoholism go away just because you restrict a child’s right to imbibe. When the states adopted the 21st Amendment, they clearly were upholding the right of all citizens, including children, to drink what they want.”

In the fight for jungle juice for kids, one news organization, Alabama Food and Drink Reporter, has taken up the mantle. With the help of a generous donation from the ABC Board and Bud Light, the outlet is working tirelessly to report the fight with mostly biased accuracy. One dedicated reporter is constantly seen stalking the isles of the store making sure children are able to pick up any drink they desire.

Several local churches were asked to comment on the situation but refused. “We try not to get political,” they said. “Jesus died for all beverage choices. It’s our job just to love and focus on the Kingdom, which has nothing at all to do with children.”  

The fight remains heated with crowds showing up at every ABC board meeting and city council meeting. The drunks show up with the most loving and tolerant – although heavily slurred – speech, clearly exposing the judgmental ways of those evil Christian Nationalist Nazis who won’t let kids let loose and have a blowout after a hard day in indoctrination camps – I mean schools.

At publishing time, Drink Freely added a new demand that Moonshine Hour be made available weekly for children wishing to escape the summer heat and enjoy a cold beer.

Laura Clark is a wife, mother, and community activist. She currently serves as the interim president of Alabama Center for Law and Liberty, a conservative nonprofit law firm that fights for limited government, free markets, and strong families in the courts. Anything written by Laura for this publication does not constitute legal advice.

The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News. To comment, please send an email with your name and contact information to Commentary@1819News.com.

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